Everyone and the Kitchen Sink Read version 2
by Grand Master Potter
Summary: So this is the second version of my yarn, this time it will be the same characters from HP, but the Star Wars characters will be from 1 ABY
1. Chapter 1

**Everyone and the Kitchen Sink Read version 2**

**Disclaimer-I do not own Harry Potter, only J.K. Rowling does, I also do not own Star Wars, as that belongs to George Lucas**

**So this is the second version of my yarn, this time it will be the same characters from HP, but the Star Wars characters will be from 1 ABY (for those who are not familiar with the SW dating system, it means 1 years after Ep.4 and will be shortly before ESB) and they will then watch the movies.**

**Harry **

**Ron**

**Hermione**

**Sirius**

**Remus**

**Snape **

**Minerva**

**Albus**

**The Rest of the Weasleys**

**Hermione's parents**

**Tonks**

**Ted **

**Andromeda**

**Hagrid**

**Yoda**

**Luke**

**Leia**

**Han**

**Chewbacca**

**Wedge Antillies**

**Wes Janson**

**Darth Vader**

**Mad Eye**

CRASH, 30 people crashed into the floor and into each other and as soon as some got their bearings there was yelling, threatening, and general rowdiness, until an old man with a long beard pulled out his wand and several cannon shot sounds came forth.

Dumbledore: Now that I have your attention, I believe we should ascertain why we are here and how we are to get out

Suddenly a flash of light appeared and out forth stepped a devilishly handsome dude in a suit, he addressed the group

Me: Oh the way out is simple, you just have to read 7 books and watch 6 movies, the books are about Harry and the Wizards while the movies are on The Jedi and company and you're out of here. Adios

And with that I left

Luke made a look that seemed to say he wanted to yell at Vader but at his friends insistence he simply huffed and sat down, Vader for his part stared at Luke for a moment before he sat down in an armchair near Mad Eye

After that everyone introduced themselves and settled down to read the first Harry Potter book (don't worry we'll cover the character interactions and such at meals and outside reading time) Albus was the first to read.

**'CHAPTER ONE: THE BOY WHO LIVED**.'

Wedge: who's he

Harry raised his hand

Harry: that would be me but the book will probably explain it

**Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.**

Fred: Well

George: aren't

Fred: welcome

**They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.**

Wes: but strange and mysterious things are interesting, and they help in pranks

The twins and Sirius looked very happy at the thought of another prankster

**Mr Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills.**

Arthur: and what does this drill do

Hermione: I'll tell you later Mr. Weasley

**He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large moustache. Mrs Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbours.**

Snape: such charming qualities

Harry: it described them to a tee

**The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.**

Harry: yeah right

**The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters.**

**Mrs Potter was Mrs Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be.**

Sirius: James and Lily were 10 times the people you are Dursley

Everyone that knew Lily and James nodded in agreement

**The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbours would say if the Potters arrived in the street. The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son too, but they had never even seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that.**

Ron: yeah mom how could you let us mix with a child like that

Fred: good one Ron

**When Mr and Mrs Dursley woke up on the dull, grey Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. Mr Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work and Mrs Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his highchair.**

All: brat

**"Little tyke." chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive. It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar-a cat reading a map. **

Sirius: Hi Minnie

Minerva: Black how many times have I told you to stop calling me that

Sirius: not enough times apparently

Minerva merely shook her head at the man's antics

Those from the SW universe looked confused but decided to wait and see.

**For a second Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen-then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of. It must have been a trick of the light. Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back. As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was not reading the sign that said Privet Drive-no, looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs. Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind.**

Vader and Luke: disregarding the unusual is a quick way to get killed

Luke quickly glared at Vader and turned his attention back to the book

Mad Eye: I like the way you two think, like I always say, CONSTANT VIGILANCE

**As he drove around town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day. But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to have a lot of strangely dressed people about. People in cloaks. **

Fred: OH MY GOD NOT CLOAKS

George: say it ain't so

Mad Eye: Hmph, sure people just disregard completely the fact we are trying to keep our society secret

Arthur: yes, I remember there was a lot of work for the obliviators that month

**Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes — the getups you saw on young people! He supposed this was some stupid new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdoes**

Wizards: HEY

Harry: at least we're not fat ugly and stupid uncle

Molly: Harry

Han: hey don't go admonishing the kid for saying the truth

**The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills.**

Remus: one track mind much

Vader: he reminds me of the majority of the Emperor's toadies

Luke: you mean like yourself

Vader: boy, we will be speaking privately after this chapter

Luke: what gonna tell me all about how you betrayed and murdered my father

At this the room went quiet, the wizards and witches staring suspiciously at Vader

Vader: that will be discussed yes, however before you continue to act like a petulant child, know that Kenobi is good at manipulating the truth to suit his goals

Yoda: be there when you discuss this, I will

Vader: fine, you'll be telling me just what happened that day

And with that they continued reading

**Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. **_**He **_**didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead.**

Sirius: oh now there's owls flying around as well, had everyone completely lost any sense of secrecy

Snape: for once we are in agreement

**Most of them had never seen an owl even at nighttime. Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more.**

Sirius: well someone needs anger management classes

Harry: oh yes he does. He said this under his breath so no one heard him

**He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs**

Ron: but when he saw him it looked as though he hated the concept of physical movement

**and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery.**

Harry: well that solves that mystery

**He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. He eyed them angrily as he passed. He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy.**

Sirius and Remus: be afraid, be very afraid

**This bunch were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying.**

"**The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard —"**

" — **yes, their son, Harry —"**

At this moment the room was filled with a somber feeling as anyone who hadn't realized what day this had taken place realized just what had happened the night before.

**Mr. Dursley stopped dead.**

Fred and George: Hooray

**Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it. **

**He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking… no, he was being stupid.**

Ron: in other words he was acting completely normal

**Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew **_**was **_**called Harry.**

Tonks: sounds exactly like my aunts and uncles

Ted: oh no your mother's sisters and their husbands make sure they remember us

Tonks: yeah just so they know who to target

Andromeda sighed, she knew it was true, and that saddened her to no end

**There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her-if he'd had a sister like that...but all the same, these people in clocks...**

**He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon**

Fred and George: OH GOD THE HORROR THE HORROR

**and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door.**

Wes: who was then crushed into a tiny pulp.

**"Sorry." he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell.**

Harry: can't believe that word is in his vocabulary

**It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passerby's stare, "Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice , for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!"**

There was silence for a moment before Mad Eye yelled

Mad Eye: WHAT WAS THAT IDIOT THINKING ESSENTIALLY JUST TELLING A RANDOM MUGGLE ABOUT US!

Everyone looked as though they agreed with him wholeheartedly

**And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off.**

Charlie: how'd he get his arms around him

Everyone just shrugged

**Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a muggle, whatever that was. He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.**

At this five of the rooms occupants looked as though they had just had heart attacks and fell to the floor (three guesses who)

**As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw- and it didn't improve is mood-was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same marking around the eyes.**

**"shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly.**

**The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look.**

Sirius: yeah me and Remy have been on the receiving end of that more than once.

Fred and George: Us too

Hermione, Ron, and Harry: Us three

Tonks: same here

Minerva merely shook her head in exasperation

**Was this normal cat behavior?**

Sirius: no it's normal Minnie behavior

Minerva: BLACK

**Mr. Dursley wondered. Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife.**

Arthur(muttering): first smart idea I've heard from him

Molly: what was that dear?

Arthur: nothing. Nothing at all

**Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter and how Dudley had learned a new word ("Won't!").**

Snape: what a brat

**Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:**

"**And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?"**

"**Well, Ted," **

Ted: hey it's me

**said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early — it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."**

Sirius: I bet Minnie will love that

Minerva only sighed in exasperation this time

**Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters…Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er — Petunia, dear — you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"**

**As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.**

Snape: _Funnily enough I always tried to imagine Lily didn't have a sister either_

**"No," she said sharply. "Why?"**

**"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls… shooting stars… and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today…"**

**"So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley.**

**"Well, I just thought… maybe… it was something to do with… you know… her crowd."**

Andromeda: and just what do you mean by that Dursley

**Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter." He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son — he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"**

"**I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.**

"**What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?"**

"**Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."**

Ginny: it's better than Dudley

**Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree."** **He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there. It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for something.**

**Was he imagining things? Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did… if it got out that they were related to a pair of — well, he didn't think he could bear it.**

Here both Sirius and Remus started growling at the book

**The Dursley got into bed.**

Fred: Oh god

Wes: I think I'm going to be sick

**Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind… He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on — he yawned and turned over — it couldn't affect them…**

**How very wrong he was.**

George: Dun Dun Duh

**Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness**

**It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed on the next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all.**

**A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground. The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed.**

Fred: What did you do, see a mouse Professor

Minerva merely glared at him

**Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice.**

Albus: indeed it has

**This man's name was Albus Dumbledore**

All: HOORAY

**Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome.**

Albus: oh I knew, I just didn't care

**He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realize he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known."**

**He found what he was looking for in his inside pocket. It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter. He flicked it open, held it up in the air, and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop.**

Han: I like the sound of that

**He clicked it again — the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left on the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street toward number four, where he sat down on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it.**

"**Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall**. **He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather severe-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled. **

Everyone who hadn't known what Minerva could do now stared slack jawed at her

**"How did you know it was me?" she asked.**

"**My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."**

**You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall.**

"**All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here."**

**Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily.** **"You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no — even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news."** **She jerked her head back at the Dursley' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls… shooting stars… Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent — I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense."**

Sirius: Yeah but he's a hoot at parties

**You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years."**

"**I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes, swapping rumors." She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on. "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore?"**

Harry: nope

"**It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore.**

Albus: I stand corrected

**We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a lemon drop?"**

**A what?"**

"**A lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of."**

**No, thank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for lemon drops.**

Albus: But it is always the time for lemon drops

**"As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone —"**

**My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name? All this 'You-Know-Who' nonsense — for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort."**

Yoda: wise you are, fear leads to anger to hate and hate to suffering

Vader mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "senile old dwarf."

**Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. "It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name."**

Luke: I can understand being afraid of the guy, but being afraid of his name just sounds ridiculous

Albus and Harry: my point precisely

Ron: Bloody hell Harry you think like Dumbledore

Harry just shrugged.

**"I know you haven't," said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of."**

Han: why would someone be afraid of an old man?

All he got were glares from all the Dumbledore supporters and Yoda.

"**You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have."**

Hermione: only because you're too noble to use them.

"**Only because you're too — well —noble to use them."**

Hermione blinked but nobody looked surprised that she thought like Minerva.

"**It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."**

Wes: ugh elderly flirting

**Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, "The owls are nothing next to the rumors that are flying around. You know what they're saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?"**

**It seemed that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold, hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It was plain that whatever "everyone" was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing another lemon drop and did not answer.**

"**What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters.** **The rumor is that Lily and James Potter are — are — that they're — dead."**

Everyone, even those who had never known Lily and James bowed their heads in silence to pay their respects, and several people had tears in their eyes. Han decided to break out the bottle of Corellian whiskey he kept on him and as the room provided glasses he poured out enough for everyone and passed them around, the room provided a straw for Vader, and Albus raised his glass to toast the fallen.

Albus: to Lily and James

Everyone: To Lily and James

**Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped.**

"**Lily and James… I can't believe it… I didn't want to believe it… Oh, Albus…"**

**Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know… I know…" he said heavily.**

**Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry**

Everyone who didn't know the story now looked angry, you could even feel the room darken and Yoda and Luke stared at Vader, who despite not showing any outward signs of anger was seething inside both at Voldemort and himself.

**But he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke — and that's why he's gone."**

**Dumbledore nodded glumly.**

"**It's — it's **_**true**_**?" faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done… all the people he's killed… he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding… of all the things to stop him… but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?"**

Bill: I think we all want to know that one

"**We can only guess." said Dumbledore. "We may never know."**

**Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a golden watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge. It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?"**

"**Yes," said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me **_**why **_**you're here, of all places?"**

"**I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now."**

Snape: you never told me you left him with Petunia, he looked nervous as all his beliefs about Pootter were now at risk of being false.

**You don't mean – you **_**can't **_**mean the people who live **_**here**_**?" cried Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dumbledore — you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son — I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!"**

Harry: thanks for trying Professor

Minerva smiled at him but inwardly she was scared to see just what had gone on in that house for 10 years.

**It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter."**

"A LETTER." Half the room cried out.

Remus: YOU TOLD THEM IN A LETTER

Albus: I thought it would be best if-

Sirius: if you didn't give them a chance to say no

The guilty look on Dumbledore's face was evidence enough.

Vader pulled Yoda to a corner and whispered in his ear.

"If I find out that _great_ minds think alike in this case, you will see just how Dark I have become."

Yoda: took them to their adopted homes we did, personally spoke with the guardians Obi Wan and I did.

Vader: what do you mean them?

Yoda: Twins Padme had, discuss this with them we will.

Vader could only agree in a stupor.

Mad Eye: if you ladies are done with your gossip session, then perhaps we can continue.

**A letter?" repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter?**

**These people will never understand him! He'll be famous — a legend — I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter day in the future **

Harry: there isn't is there? He asked this with nervousness.

Arthur: No, I believe someone misplaced the paper work

Harry: Thank God

— **there will be books written about Harry — every child in our world will know his name!"**

**Exactly." said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?"**

**Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed, and then said, "Yes — yes, you're right, of course. But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore?" She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it.**

Everyone looked a little green at that even Yoda. (Get it Yoda looked green ha ha ha.)

"**Hagrid's bringing him."**

"**You think it —**_**wise **_**— to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?"**

Hagrid glared at Minerva

Minerva: I apologize Hagrid, I was merely nervous for Harry

Hagrid: no worries Professor

Harry: I would trust Hagrid with my life

"**I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore.**

Harry beamed at being compared to Dumbledore again. ( for those of you who want a Harry hates Dumbledore scenario, tough luck.)

**I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to — what was that?"**

**A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky — and a huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them.**

**If the motorcycle was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so **_**wild **_**— long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of trash can lids, and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. **

Wedge: you are very large Mr. Hagrid, may I ask why is that?

Hagrid: me mum was a giant

Wes: figuratively or is there an actual race of giants

Hagrid: an actual species

Luke: by the force.

**In his vast, muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets.**

"**Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorcycle?"**

"**Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it to me. I've got him, sir."**

Sirius: by the way Hagrid where is old Morgana

Hagrid: I stashed her under me hut, I'll get it for you later.

**No problems, were there?"**

"**No, sir — house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol."**

**Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. **

"Awwww" all the women cooed, Harry merely blushed

**Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning.**

"**Is that where —?" whispered Professor McGonagall.**

"**Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar forever**

**Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?"**

"**Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground. Well — give him here, Hagrid — we'd better get this over with."**

**Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned toward the Dursley's house.**

"**Could I — could I say good-bye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid. He bent his great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog.**

"**Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall, "You'll wake the Muggles!"**

"**S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large, spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it —Lily an' James dead — an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles —"**

"**Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets, and then came back to the other two.**

Molly: YOU LEFT HIM OUTSIDE

Albus: Molly I assure you wards were set up and I placed a warming charm around the area

No one was surprised that this didn't seem to help Molly's temper

**For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out.**

"**Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."**

"**Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, "I best get this bike away. G'night, Professor McGonagall — Professor Dumbledore, sir."**

**Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night.**

"**I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply.**

**Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four.**

"**Good luck, Harry," he murmured. He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak, he was gone.**

**A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley… He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter — the boy who lived!"**

Dumbledore: That is the end of the chapter, now I believe that some of us, he looked pointedly at Vader, Luke, and Yoda have some business to settle, I believe we should all here it.

Before they could begin, however someone appeared in the room.

Please Review


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch.2 The Vanishing Glass**

**Once again J.K. owns H.P. and Lucas owns S.W., I am neither.**

Vader: Kenobi

Ben: Vader

Albus: DUMBLEDORE!

Everyone just looked at the old man as though he was crazy. Vader focused on Obi-Wan again.

Vader: now you are going to answer my questions old man, and I want the complete and literal truth, not the bullshit you call a certain point of view.

Ben (sighing): Anakin I-

Luke: what do you mean Anakin, that is the name of my father.

Ben: well remember when I told you Vader killed your father, well in truth Vader is Anakin

All: Oh My God

Ben: let me explain, when your mother was pregnant with you and your sister-

Luke: what do you mean sister?

Ben: well we split you two apart so that the Empire wouldn't find you, one of you went to Tatooine-

Vader: damn it's so obvious it's ingenious. Ben glared at him.

Ben: while the other was taken in by Senator Bail Organa and his wife on Alderaan.

Leia: you mean, me.

All: Oh My God

Ben nodded, and Luke, Leia, and Vader all sat down in shock.

Snape: heartwarming as this all is perhaps we can save the reunions for later, I do want to finish this before I turn 100.

Hermione: I guess I'll read next.

"**The Vanishing Glass,**"

Sirius: sounds like we'll get to hear about your accidental magic pup.

**Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-coloured bonnets —**

The teens and the teens at heart all snickered at this.

**but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother. The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.**

Molly: and why is that, Harry.

Harry: ugh, I don't like cameras

By the looks on everyone's face he could tell they didn't believe him.

**Yet Harry Potter was still there, asleep at the moment, but not for long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice that made the first noise of the day.**

"**Up! Get up! Now!"**

Fred: I feel your pain Harry.

Molly and just what does that mean.

Fred: umm, I was talking about the ghoul.

Not surprisingly she did not believe that.

**Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again.**

"**Up!" she screeched. **

Sirius: shut up you horse lady

Snape: again I have to regrettably agree with Black

Wes: ah pretty soon you'll be BFF's

All he got were twin glares thrown at him.

**Harry heard her walking toward the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the stove. He rolled onto his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one. There had been a flying motorcycle in it. He had a funny feeling he'd had the same dream before.**

Sirius: Hooray you remember Morgana

Mad Eye: Black shut up

**His aunt was back outside the door.**

"**Are you up yet?" she demanded.**

"**Nearly," said Harry.**

"**Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don't you dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy's birthday."**

While many sniggered at the name Duddy, Mrs. Weasley looked very angry indeed.

Molly: and just how long have they been having you cook for them.

Harry: um, around my fourth birthday, I was doing stuff like sandwiches and drinks, but I worked at the stove since I was seven.

Now everyone was looking slightly to severely angry, and so the Marauders, the Twins, and Wes, Wedge, Han, and Chewie took out a sheet paper and started writing down things that could only mean trouble for the Dursleys.

Hermione continued reading.

**Harry groaned.**

Sirius: I know the feeling well pup.

"**What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door.**

Ginny: he didn't say anything, you horse faced bi-

Molly: GINERVA MOLLY WEASLEY, IF I EVER HEAR THAT WORD FROM YOU I WILL MAKE SURE IT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN, AM I CLEAR.

Ginny: yes mum

"**Nothing, nothing…"**

**Dudley's birthday — how could he have forgotten? Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed and, after pulling a spider**

Ron whimpered.

**off one of them, put them on. Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept.**

The silence was deafening for a moment, and then Vader strode over to the prankster's table, took the prank plans, and looked through them sometimes scribbling down some words himself, when he was done he handed it to Sirius and sat down next to the Twins. This was apparently the proverbial spark that lit off the powder keg and soon it was pandemonium.

Ron: Harry why didn't you tell us

Harry: I didn't want pity

Hermione: Harry we wouldn't have pitied you, we would have tried to help you.

Harry: I don't need any help, but… thanks Mione, you too Ron.

Ginny looked like her mother at her angriest as she conjured several Dursley sized manikins and blasted them to oblivion, inwardly cussing out the Dursleys for treating Harry like that.

The rest of the Weasleys, even Percy looked mad, they liked Harry and to hear him be treated like that made them enraged.

Minerva: I told you Albus, I told you they were the worst sort of muggles possible, but did you listen, no you did not.

Albus: but families are not supposed to hate each other.

Severus: and how many times have I told you of situations that prove in many cases the opposite occurs, then he leaned close so only Dumbledore could hear him, " I promised you to keep him safe on Lily's memory, and if that means I have to get him out of there myself I will."

Dumbledore: but the Blood Wards, he said this at a normal level.

Sirius: will not stop them from hurting Harry, and let me ask you something Albus, my parents ended up torturing me for my choices, do you want that to happen to Harry?

Remus: I think however we are leaving someone out of this conversation, Harry please tell us, did it ever go beyond this.

Harry mumbled something unintelligible before looking up and finding himself staring into the ancient Headmaster's eyes, instantly repressed memories came forth of the beatings and starvation, there were tears in the old man's eyes as he spoke once more.

Dumbledore: Harry, I am so sorry please forgive me I can promise you that you will never go there again.

Harry had tears of his own in his eyes as he replied,

Harry: thank you sir

**When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Dudley's birthday presents. It looked as though Dudley had gotten the new computer he wanted, not to mention the second television and the racing bike.**

Ron: spoiled git

Molly didn't even reprimand him for his language.

**Exactly why Dudley wanted a racing bike was a mystery to Harry, as Dudley was very fat and hated exercise —**

Fred: fattie

**unless of course it involved punching somebody.**

Wes growled, he had known a lot of kids like that, and all of his encounters with them had led to him getting the crap kicked out of him, until finally he had had enough and put a lot of effort into getting back at them, it had worked.

Luke: what a brave kid, only takes on those smaller than him.

Sirius: I say we punch him and see how he likes it.

**Dudley's favorite punching bag was Harry, but he couldn't often catch him. Harry didn't look it, but he was very fast.**

Sirius: with how fast your parents could run of course you are.

Mr. Granger: that and from the sound of it a sloth is faster than your cousin.

Everyone enjoyed laughing at Dudley's expense.

**Perhaps it had something to do with living in a dark cupboard, but Harry had always been small and skinny for his age. **

Sirius: probably since Lily and James both were pretty tall.

Remus: and while they weren't fat both of them were thicker rather than thin.

**He looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley's, and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was. **

Now Dumbledore really looked irritated.

Dumbledore: I know for a fact that they are getting a stipend for you Harry, and if I have any say in it you are getting it back.

Now everyone just looked downright pissed.

**Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair, and bright green eyes. **

Snape:_ Lily_

**He wore round glasses held together with a lot of scotch tape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose.**

Everyone couldn't even talk they were so angry.

**The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar in his forehead that was shaped like a bolt of lightning. He had had it as long as he could remember, and the first question he could ever remember asking his Aunt Petunia was how he had gotten it.**

**"In the car crash when your parents died," she had said. "And don't ask questions."**

Sirius: HOW DARE THEY LIE ABOUT THAT.

Mrs. Granger: Harry, what did they say caused the crash.

Harry: that my parents were drunk.

Sirius: WHAT, I'M GOING TO KILL THOSE BASTARDS, LILY OR JAMES WOULD NEVER ENDANGER THEMSELVES OR YOU LIKE THAT.

Remus looked as though his inner wolf was coming early and Tonk's hair was a deep crimson, while Minerva had her lips pursed even thinner than usual.

_**Don't ask questions**_** – that was the first rule for a quiet life with the Dursleys.**

Hermione: than how will you learn.

**Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon.**

**"Comb your hair!" he barked, by way of a morning greeting.**

**About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry need a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts than the rest of the bots in his class put together, but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way – all over the place.**

Sirius: Ah the Potter hair nothing can defeat it.

**Harry was frying the eggs by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large pink face, not much neck, small, watery blue eyes, and thick blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head. Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel –**

Everyone scoffed at the ridiculousness of that statement.

**Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.**

Sirius: good one Prongslet

Fred: Harry, our dear friend

George: why don't you show off this sardonic wit at school.

Harry: too busy saving the school or someone every year.

**Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents. His face fell.**

**"Thirty-six," he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two less than last year."**

Arthur: he gets that many presents and he complains.

Molly: what a spoiled brat.

**"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mummy and Daddy."**

Yoda: irritating these people are.

All: Amen to that.

**"All right, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face. Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing down his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over.**

Minerva: Potter did he ever actually do that.

Potter: about three times a month.

**Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger, too, because she said quickly, "And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin? Two more presents. Is that all right?"**

Andromeda: placating him will only make it worse you idiotic giraffe.

**Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work. Finally he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty… thirty…"**

Remus: the child is an idiot.

Harry: what was your first clue.

**"Thirty-nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia.**

**"Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then."**

**Uncle Vernon chuckled.**

**"Little tyke wants his money's worth, just like his father. 'Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley's hair.**

Arthur: I can't believe this…

**At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing bike, a video camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games, and a VCR. He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone looking both angry and worried.**

**"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't take him."**

**She jerked her head in Harry's direction.**

Hermione and Ginny: he has a name, use it.

**Dudley's mouth fell open in horror, but Harry's heart gave a leap. Every year on Dudley's birthday, his parents took him and a friend out for the day, to adventure parks, hamburger restaurants, or the movies. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady who lived two streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she'd ever owned.**

Both Vader and Ben seemed to gag for a bit and everyone looked at them as though asking for clarification, while Yoda merely snickered.

Ben: on one of our first missions, me and Anakin were looking for a lost cat, the exercise being made to familiarize apprentices with dealing with the public, well Anakin and I ended up spending two hours in the ladies' house that sounds exactly like this, and another hour searching for the cat through the lower levels of Coruscant. Needless to say since then Anakin and I hate cats.

By the end of this everyone was laughing heartily except Minerva who was now glaring at the dead jedi and the Sith Lord.

**"Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he'd planned this. Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg, but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws, and Tufty again.**

Molly: Harry, don't be rude.

Harry: yes Mrs. Weasley.

**"We could phone Marge," Uncle Vernon suggested.**

**"Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy."**

Harry: the feeling is mutual.

**The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn't there — or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug.**

Wedge: jerks.

**"What about what's-her-name, your friend — Yvonne?"**

**"On vacation in Majorca," snapped Aunt Petunia.**

**"You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley's computer).**

Fred: nope that would mean you might have fun.

Han: lesson one, never suggest something if they like you unhappy, especially if they are idiots.

Sirius: Excellent advice, and words I choose to live by.

**Aunt Petunia looked as though she'd just swallowed a lemon. **

**"And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled.**

Hermione: Harry wouldn't blow up the house.

Wedge: yeah blowing stuff up is our job.

**"I won't blow up the house," said Harry, but they weren't listening. **

**"I suppose we could take him to the zoo," said Aunt Petunia slowly, "... and leave him in the car..."**

Ginny: HE IS NOT A DOG

**"That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone..."**

Mr. Granger: Oh yes because the car is more important than a child

**Dudley began to cry loudly. In fact, he wasn't really crying - it had been years since he'd really cried - but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.**

Tonks: Ah is your day ruined, well too damn bad you fat tub of lard.

Andromeda: Nymphadora, watch your language.

Tonks: yes mom.

"**Dinky Duddydums**

At this with no exceptions the entire room burst into a fit of laughter at the nickname.

**, don't cry, Mummy won't let him spoil your special day!" she cried, flinging her arms around him.**

Yoda: sure you are that Mrs. Potter was not the only witch in her family?

Dumbledore: yes, why do you ask?

Yoda: used magic she must have to get her arms around him, he he he.

"**I… don't… want… him… t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge, pretend sobs. "He always sp-spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother's arms.**

Chewie: if my son ever did that… ( yes Chewbacca actually does have a wife and child, however he rarely sees them because he is always travelling around with Han, because of the life debt he owes Han.)

**Just then, the doorbell rang — "Oh, good Lord, they're here!" said Aunt Petunia frantically — and a moment later, Dudley's best friend, Piers Polkiss, walked in with his mother. Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat. He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them. Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once. Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo for the first time in his life. His aunt and uncle hadn't been able to think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside. **

Sirius: I'm warning you Dursley…

"**I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's, **

Vader: step away before I enlighten you on how I deal with people I don't like.

"**I'm warning you now, boy — any funny business, anything at all — and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas." **

Remus: Padfoot, want to go running around Surrey next full moon.

Sirius: I'd be delighted to Remy.

"**I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly…" **

**But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No one ever did. **

**The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen. **

**Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barbers looking as though he hadn't been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his bangs, which she left "to hide that horrible scar." **

Leia: Well maybe you should be the one with a scar, after all a horrible person and a horrible scar go well together.

**Dudley had laughed himself silly at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and taped glasses. Next morning, however, he had gotten up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off. **

Sirius: the unbeatable Potter hair.

**He had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he **_**couldn't **_**explain how it had grown back so quickly. **

Snape: You damn well know that's accidental Petunia.

**Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old sweater of Dudley's (brown with orange puff balls). **

Everyone looked a little green at that, well except for Vader and Yoda who was starting to pale.

**The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a hand puppet, but certainly wouldn't fit Harry. Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash and, to his great relief, Harry wasn't punished. On the other hand, he'd gotten into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens.**

Dumbledore: Ah yes the apparation incident of 89.

**Dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney. The Dursleys had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big trashcans outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid-jump.**

Sirius: we really got to work on your excuses Harry.

Harry: I was nine and I didn't know magic was real, what was I supposed to think.

**But today, nothing was going to go wrong.**

Wedge: and thus something will go wrong.

**It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his cupboard, or Mrs. Figg's cabbage-smelling living room. While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to complain about things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank, and Harry were just a few of his favourite subjects.**

Luke: think he likes to complain about Harry?

Han: what would give you that idea?

George: yes, how did you come up with that wild idea?

Luke: just a hunch.

**This morning, it was motorcycles.**

"…**roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a motorcycle overtook them.**

"**I had a dream about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying."**

**Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet with a moustache: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!"**

Sirius: mine does.

All Star Wars characters: so do ours. ( Am I the only person who really wants one of those?)

**Dudley and Piers sniggered.**

"**I know they don't," said Harry. "It was only a dream."**

Hermione: actually it was a memory.

Harry: I didn't know that then.

**But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even a cartoon — they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas.**

Fred: mom can we watch cartoons?

All: NO!

**It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice creams at the entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice pop.**

Dumbledore: mmm, lemons.

**It wasn't bad, either, Harry thought, licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head who looked remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn't blond.**

Ginny thwacked Harry on the head.

Harry: ow what was that for?

Ginny: for insulting the gorilla.

**Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favourite hobby of hitting him.**

**They ate in the zoo restaurant, and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbocker glory didn't have enough ice cream on top, Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first.**

Remus: cheapskates.

All: Amen.

**Harry felt, afterward, that he should have known it was all too good to last.**

**After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone. Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car and crushed it into a trash can — but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep.**

**Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils.**

"**Make it move," he whined at his father. Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass, but the snake didn't budge.**

"**Do it again," Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.**

"**This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away.**

**Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself — no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up; at least he got to visit the rest of the house.**

Sirius: Harry, are you really comparing your situation to a caged animal?

Harry: yes…

There were many more angry growls and mutterings at that.

**The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's.**

**It winked.**

S.W. crew: huh

**Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too.**

**The snake jerked its head toward Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly:**

"**I get that all the time."**

"**I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying."**

Leia: is it normal to talk to snakes on this world?

H.P. crew: no

**The snake nodded vigorously.**

"**Where do you come from, anyway?" Harry asked.**

**The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.**

**Boa Constrictor, Brazil.**

"**Was it nice there?"**

**The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see — so you've never been to Brazil?"**

**As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump. "DUDLEY! MR. DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!"**

**Dudley came waddling toward them as fast as he could.**

"**Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs. Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor.**

Vader was flexing his hand in a very menacing way, and a certain teenage Weaslette was fingering her wand in a way that scared the force out of everyone else.

**What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened — one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror.**

**Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished.**

Minerva: excellent transfiguration Mr. Potter

Harry: thanks professor.

**The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.**

**As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, "Brazil, here I come… Thanksss, amigo."**

Hermione: Wait a second, how does a British born boa, that wants to go to a Portugese speaking country learn Spanish.

Everyone simply shrugged.

**The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.**

"**But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?"**

Minerva: Into non being, which is to say, everything.

**The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea while he apologized over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death.**

Snape: idiots.

**But worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?"**

**Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say, "Go — cupboard — stay — no meals," before he collapsed into a chair, and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.**

Sirius: HE'S DRINKING WHILE HE STARVES YOU, THAT IS IT WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, HE WILL PAY!

**Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food.**

Snape: so that's why he's so good at sneaking around.

**He'd lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years, as long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents had died in that car crash. He couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died. Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead.**

Sirius: you remember?

Harry nodded and added: more since the dementors.

Everyone just looked sad and in some cases angry.

**This, he supposed, was the crash, though he couldn't imagine where all the green light came from. He couldn't remember his parents at all.**

Everyone looked even sadder at that.

**His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.**

Harry: I have some now.

**When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened;**

Remus and Sirius both looked ashamed at that.

**the Dursleys were his only family. Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers they were, too.**

**A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. A wild-looking old woman dressed all in green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day and then walked away without a word. The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look.**

Mr. Granger: don't they have anything better to do with their lives?

**At school, Harry had no one. Everybody knew that Dudley's gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.**

Hermione: that's it.

Molly: I'll start dinner.

Sirius: Harry can Dumbledore and I speak with you.

Harry: sure.

He, Remus, Albus, and Sirius then went into another room, while Yoda gestured for Ben, Luke, Leia, and Vader to follow him into a different room.

Please Review, pretty please with sugar on top.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note

Several months ago I was one of the many authors on this site that signed the petition against the take down of our RTBS (Reading the Books Stories). While I still disagree with the policy and will work with those who seek to change it, I feel that as a person that agreed to 's policy agreement, I am bound to respect the rules in place or leave. As such I am currently putting my RTBS stories on an indefinite hiatus until such time that I'm asked to take them down, or changes it's policy regarding the matter. I truly do appreciate all the support fans of my stories have given me and I can only hope that I will be able to resume these stories some day.

Wishing you all a good day or evening,

Grand Master Potter


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